Tone of voice
Now, what you say is also vital:
“You never come to bed with me” – this even said in a nice tone will probably not get the best outcome!
“I would love you to come to bed now” – a big smile – “I understand if it is not a good time though”. “Ohh I must – I am pooped!”
If we could hear ourselves sometimes we would hide for days in shame. Show your kids what tone to use by example. We could all improve with this and with a little thought we can improve.