Separated parents’ child quandary
Kids often want nothing more than their parents to get back together. My daughter doesn’t actually say this, but she treasures photos of us as a family (apart for five years). This doesn’t bother me at all – I think it is healthy. Recently Emma took an old family photo to a birthday party, she attended, because they were making a frame as a craft activity. The Birthday Girl’s Mum couldn’t believe how I didn’t mind.
I truly believe if either party continues to be petty and difficult – there must still be issues one or both people are still dealing with about the divorce/break-up.
As years go by hopefully people improve in their lives and make progress and the kids do too. However, there are occasional set backs and I think these are to be expected.
My daughter’s Father recently didn’t have his scheduled weekend because he broke up with his girlfriend and needed to go to a party all weekend. This was a bit out of character because it is the first time he has not had his daughter on his scheduled weekend.
My daughter is 8 and I am careful not to say too much. However, I will protect her and tell her things in hope that she will not follow negative paths. I told her that her Dad doesn’t make very good choices. I repeat this statement whenever necessary. I think it is helpful to have a main statement to repeat so you don’t say anything that would be hurtful to your child. Parents must understand children love both of their parents more than anything in the world and it is hurtful if horrible things are said.
The only person I am trying to protect, in all of this, is my child. I want her to have a healthy relationship with her Dad because this is healthy for her, however, this is hard if the other party provides many obstacles. I try and keep a level head and I am lucky my daughter is very responsible and she tells me if her Dad does anything inappropriate. For example, I said I was not okay with my daughter driving in the car with a learner driver. I also did not want my child babysat by a 16-year-old who has in the past made inappropriate choices (on many occasions).
When there isn’t a court order in place it also gets tricky. Personally, I don’t know if it is worth pursuing a court order due to the time and stress and also because mostly things flow well. It is great her Dad wants her, however, when he is irresponsible I feel I have more of a say in the care. I also feel I have more say regarding care because I am the main carer. The Father doesn’t think this. Sometimes people make it a about personal power. Nothing is more important than your child’s love and this is all people are interfering with when they strive for personal power. Striving for personal power, for selfish reasons, will never put a smile on your child’s face. Let us all make our children smile – inside and out.