Unfortunately the people who really need to read this may not and even if they did they may not see their involvement.
I am writing this to help victims of family abuse. If you are the one being the victimiser and it has taken you years to realise this because you were a victim yourself – thank you for breaking the cycle and allowing yourself to see again.
History repeats itself and unfortunately this is true in a lot of cases and when the history is good – it is great, however, when it is toxic – it is detrimental.
This toxicity is not obvious in kids and the kids will seem like happy, normal kids. It is not until their late teens or when kids are well into adulthood that it takes hold. The time it hits can vary. In my experience, having family and friends who are supportive is invaluable, however, it does not eradicate the problem.
The only way the person can truly resolve their internal messages and issues is through years of self-patience and self-work.
The hardest things about this situation for the victim of family abuse and what will help:
1. The victim will have to make the choice to disassociate him or herself from the parent for a period of time, for a long time in some cases and have only limited contact (cards in the mail).
2. The victim will think about so many factors around the situation, but take years to know how to deal with the real issue. The victim will say people don’t understand and of course no one does. We can only understand our lives. The victim needs to understand that trying to understand it all is part of the issue and trying to stop understanding it is the key.
3 Counsellors and the like will help (but search for the right one to suit the person).
4 Living a healthy life will be the tools needed (exercising and eating properly will help).
5. Another tool necessary is a lot of patience and time and love from others.