Some people would think: Wow are you about to divorce??? You say no – we just have separate beds – that is all. Really, people wouldn’t understand so it is best not to advertise it – just like they don’t advertise anything that is outside the “norm” in their life!
Kids are definitely a factor in having separate beds, however, sometimes it is just the uncomfortableness of the person next to you. Uncomfortable does not mean: I married the wrong guy; I proposed to the wrong woman; I must be gross; he doesn’t love me; she doesn’t love me; we don’t have sex.
We are such creatures of what is “normal” and well there is no “normal” if you are happy doing it and you partner is – then what is the problem?
If there is a disagreement on the sleeping arrangement then a compromise may be needed? There might be a cuddly person in the relationship and this situation would be hard for them. Both people need to understand it has nothing to do with the way the person feels about the other person it is just about having trouble sleeping. Maybe there is tension because of the cuddling mismatch. Stop – think about all of your other matches!!!
I have my daughter (8) in my bed sometimes and I love her to bits and cuddle her during the day, but at night she is on her side and I am on mine. In the morning I might give her a tiny tickle and hold her hand for a bit. I know this is different to a relationship, but some people might like to cuddle a small child at night.
Some people spend some time and then go to the spare bed or others may start off in the bed, but disappear. Some people may do two nights a week together or three? People can make it fun – have visits, swap beds, leave little surprises under the pillow! Don’t make it more than it is. Sure – we sometimes want things our way, but when we are dealing with others, things have to go your way, my way and our way!!!