Sex is complicated for most, at sometime in their life – yes even men. While sex is exciting and pleasurable, when it feels like a chore, this is hard to comprehend and society has to take the blame. The stigma is we are expected to love sex and it should be amazing every time. All through-out their working day; many women worry about sex in their relationship. You just want to be the friend who just can’t get enough! Don’t worry – your friend probably has other issues – which you have sorted through!
What goes through some women’s minds while they are peeling potatoes, changing the nappy, writing a report, driving, shopping, talking to a client, teaching, getting their nails done, yelling at the children or jogging:
“I should have sex tonight”
“It has been ages”
“Do I just make myself”
“My husband sulks and then it just gets worse”
“I just don’t want it – is the connection wrong?”
“Why don’t I want it – am I not attracted to my partner?”
Then, you might look over at your magazine pile and the headline reads: “the best sex you’ve ever had”! Below is a link to a great article that says it all.
What to do now:
1. read the above article from conscious-transitions (not the magazine!)
2. start loving yourself – do things you love – read other articles from conscious-transitions (I recommend the whole site and the courses offered)
3. stop telling people who don’t ‘get it’ or tell you their sex life is at 5 times a day!
4. talk to your partner and what is right for you both
5. both people need to feel loving towards themselves – it is not somebody else’s job
6. if you are the person who wants sex more than your partner– just be there for your partner without pressure and through support your partner will work through their anxiety related issues – eventually. If you pressure them you are only exaggerating their already high frustration and anxiety levels. Hence, if your partner is trying to love themself, but you are giving them non-supportive comments, this will push them away even more. Your partner needs to learn to trust love and emotions. Your partner needs to learn the connection slowly and then both of you need to compromise. People all have different needs. Just because you feel you are not getting what you want – this does not mean your partner must give it to you – you need to find it. And finding it is probably through giving total selfless, support, first. You are doing this because your partner needs you to – your partner will see this as loving support.
When someone is upset about any emotional issue – being anything but supportive will not ‘snap someone out of it’. Most people who are feeling vulnerable or anxious will withdraw even more from you – I hope this makes sense.